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I'm Totally Faking It

~ Pretending to be a functioning wife, mother, friend and adult.

I'm Totally Faking It

Monthly Archives: October 2014

3 Things: The Toddler is Going to School!

31 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in 3 Things, Parenting

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

co-op, good luck, kindness, patience, preschool, pumpkin, school, teacher, toddlers

Yesterday the hubby and I took the toddler for an orientation class at his new school. Now when I say school, I mean a twice a week in the morning, just to get accustomed to being out of the house and with kids his own age.

Being there for two hours, to experience what a day with the kiddos is like made me realize a few things. Here are three of them:

1. Our toddler needs some help on his verbal skills. He has a bunch of words that all mean about 10 different things.  The other toddlers in the class had words that could actually be found in the dictionary. Unlike our childs “MaMoe” which represents the remote, The Muppets, Animal (of the Muppets), and anything Sesame Street (including crackers).  I’m willing to give him a little time in school to see if he can find some new consonants, but if not speech therapy is in his future.

2. Even tho I have a kid, I still don’t really like kids. These toddlers are cute, and its not personal, but the ability they have to do the same exact thing over and over and over, and think that it’s amazing each and every time really bores me. During playground time another little toddler brought a ball over to me to play. I bounced it with him back and forth for about 5 minutes before I was over it. Of course he was not, so I had play a game of hide and seek, which I failed to include him in, so I would not be found.

This school is a co-op, which means parents have to give time in the classroom about once a month. I’ve already signed up hubby to do the first round. Three hours of pretending I’m not severely annoyed by toddlers, and having the responsibility to wipe their boogery noses is going to take some time to mentally prepare.

3. Thank God for teachers. I mean these people spend all day with our kids, and really do give a shit about them.  Day in and day out, it is their goal to see them grow, learn and hopefully enjoy themselves.

Our toddler’s teacher Ms. C. had a pumpkin that was cut open for the kids to feel the insides. She had a glue station set up for them to make their own faux pumpkin patches.  As a parent, you can see when someone has genuine patience and kindness towards your child, and it makes it so much easier to entrust them with your little person. I will really try to embody some of that when it’s my turn to co-op.

For now, my weekend will be spent getting things like a backpack, lunch bag and snacks (nut free) to send my little one off to school with…. and lots of diapers, because this kid has no clue what potty training is.  Good luck Ms. C., good luck.

Toddler making some new friends on the swing.

Toddler making some new friends on the swing.

WTF Wednesday: In Case You Missed This

29 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in Men, WTF Wednesday

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

10 hours of walking in nyc, cat calling, harassment, some men are dumb

Recently a video has come out of a woman walking around NYC for 10 hours, and documents the cat calls and general harassment she receives while doing so.

She has men calling out at her, and one asshole even follows her. I’m sure if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, you will watch this video and remember times that you have been cat called or harassed while walking down the street.

I’ve had times that men just say “hey beautiful”. In theory I’m okay with that, except that if you chose to not acknowledge or respond, you are usually met with “what? you’re too good to talk to me?” or “bitch”.  So it’s never really just a compliment, its an attempt to engage you.

I’ve also had times that cars have pulled over and stopped my girlfriends and I, or a time I specifically remember walking down 18th Street in Adams Morgan with a girlfriend that we had two men follow us, and we seriously feared for our safety.

If you haven’t seen the video yet check it out. If you’re a man, you know a man or are raising someone you hope to be a man, please share this and DON’T CALL OUT TO WOMEN ON THE STREET.  SERIOUSLY. STOP IT.

10 People You Don’t Want to Talk to While Drunk

23 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in Nothing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

happy hour

I bring this post to you fresh off of a happy hour excursion with a co-worker…

1.  Your Pastor/Priest/Anyone that has claimed to give up inebriation in the name of the Lord.

2. Your Boss… in the middle of the day

3. Your spouse whom you told you were “working late”

4. Your child that has woken up at 2am claiming to need milk

5. A Police Officer

6. A Judge

7. Your very judgmental friend that believes you don’t need to drink to have a good time

8. You very fit friend that believes alcohol is empty calories

9. Your AA sponsor

10. Your friend that is 8 months pregnant and angry she wasn’t out getting sloshed with you.

Grocery Stores Specifically for People with Kids

20 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in Parenting

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

dreamworld, grocery shopping, tantrums, toddlers

What if, there was a grocery store that only people with kids shopped, and only people with kids worked, and we could all go there knowing that everyone in the store “gets it”.

What if instead of watching my toddler throw anything he can reach out of the cart I was no longer mortified because you were hit with a bag of coffee beans because you’ve been there, and your kid has done it before?

What if, instead of having a check out lane that is at perfect toddler height and full of everything a toddler could easily open, there was nothing but a belt and a cash register?

What if, instead of getting the stink eye from a cashier that clearly doesn’t understand what it’s like to spend even 10 minutes with a toddler in a grocery store, parents were met with an understanding smile and the acknowledgement that the swiping of the five items you have needs to be FAST.

What if there were a store, that when your child threw the shit-fit of all shit-fits, you didn’t have to leave your cart (an almost full with a weeks worth of groceries cart) for some clerk to put everything back begrudgingly? And instead, while you took the monster child to the car, they took your cart to cash you out, and brought you the groceries and a total to swipe and pay while the monster child screams in the back.

And what if they did it with a smile, because they have kids and they’ve been there, so they understand you aren’t a bad parent, you aren’t trying to be disruptive, you aren’t trying to make a mess?

What if store workers and other shoppers truly understood you are just trying to function?

There Is No Way I’m Not Commenting On This Bullshit, Lululemon

16 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in Me, Nothing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

baltimore, boston, Buffalo Bills, buffalo ny, buffalo sabres, cleveland, Colts, football, heartbreaking losses, lululemon, no goal, philadelphia, Redksins, sports, stanley cup, super bowl, T.O., washington dc, wide right, yoga pants

I am from Buffalo, NY.  We are home to the Buffalo Bills (NFL) and Buffalo Sabres (NHL); the only two professional sports team in the city.  Both franchises have had their share of heartbreak, specifically the Bills and 4 Super Bowl losses in a row, the first being from a missed field goal in the final seconds of the game.

Every January as two new teams are preparing to play in the Super Bowl, every media outlet reminisces of Super Bowls past, and every year us Bills fans are subject to watch the clip of Scott Norwood missing the field goal, wide right of the post.  It’s like looking at a car wreck, you know you shouldn’t look, but you just can’t help yourself.  The wound is open and you hold it there for the media to pour in the salt. It’s extremely painful, and probably something only Bills fans understand.

Recently, Lululemon decided to open a store in a local mall (as if people in Buffalo want to pay $60 for a pair of yoga pants).  Some asshole in the Lululemon design department decided that they should add some local flair to the foyer of the store in the form of a mosaic with some oh-so inspiring words for their customers.

Enter this gem of an idea:

Thanks Lululemon, the city of Buffalo appreciates the reminder of the heartbreak and loss our sports teams have suffered.

Thanks Lululemon, the city of Buffalo appreciates the reminder of the heartbreak and loss our sports teams have suffered.

WHO THINKS THIS IS A GOOD IDEA??????? A COMPLETE FUCKTARD.

I’m going to be honest, if I worked at Lululemon (which I wouldn’t because they don’t believe in carrying size XL, which I am, and I don’t appreciate their size-ism, but that’s a post for another day), and I walked into the store and saw that shit, I would have quit. On the spot. But I’m a diehard sports fan, so I understand Sally Yogapants probably didn’t care.

So to wrap up my little angry rant, I’d like to leave Lululemon with some ideas for their other store locations:

Cleveland: “Mistake by the Lake”

Boston: “Curse of the Bambino” or “18-1”

Baltimore: “Original Home of the Colts”

Washington DC: “Hail to the Redskins”

Philadelphia: “T.O. Was Here”

WTF Wednesday: Toddler Tantrums

15 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in Parenting

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

exorcism, tantrum, toddler

If you’ve had a toddler throw a tantrum, I think you know that my post could just be the letters WTF and you would nod your head and completely understand.  If you’ve never been around a toddler throwing a tantrum or only witnessed a tantrum in a Target toys aisle, consider yourself blessed (yes, witnessing a tantrum may feel annoying to you, or disrupt your blissful trip to the home goods section, but you are in fact lucky because you get to leave the tantrum behind).

All it takes is them spotting one thing they want to get those sticky little hands on, and you saying “no”, and these little people become candidates for an exorcism.

For example, the toddler came into my office and wanted to use my pen. Well I didn’t feel like having to clean pen off of the walls for the rest of the evening, so I said “no” and took the pen away. Then we took the toddler out of the office.

You would think we sliced his fingers off the way he wailed. I mean, MY GOD CHILD, IT’S A PEN. Some days you can take the pen away and he’s instantly on to the next thing, forgetting the pen existed.  Some days, like today, the pen was the most important thing that could have ever existed and now we’re the worst parents ever for not letting him have it.

We always try and use redirection/distraction tactics with him, but some times he won’t budge.  There is screaming, crying, flailing of limbs (bonus points when the entire body hits the ground and then the flailing limbs get going).  All because of a pen.

Sometimes I want to just give him what he wants so it will all STOP. There are days when it’s just too much and to make it go away with a simple handing over of the desired object seems like the only way to keep sane.  I have to remind myself that this is for the greater good, and that hopefully as time goes on and he realizes that throwing himself into the wall still doesn’t get the pen, maybe he won’t resort to that any longer.

All I know right now is this is why parents drink…and why they hide in the bathroom.

Aw, Shucks. I’m Flattered.

10 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in Me

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

award, one lovely blog

Guess what, someone that isn’t related to me or knows me in real life reads my blog (actually quite a few do now) and has nominated me for an award! The lovely Momarch Steph of the blog Living in Momarchy has kindly nominated me for the One Lovely Blog Award.

one-lovely-blog-award_long_border

In blogging world, this is a nice big shout out, and I’m extremely flattered that someone enjoys my blog. Doing a personal blog isn’t easy, and while I’m still in the beginning stages of finding my voice, it’s nice to know there are folks out there reading and enjoying what I have to say.

Now as any awards committee must, there are rules for being able to accept such an award. If you don’t know already, I’m not really one for rules, but I think I can handle abiding by these.

Here are the rules for accepting the award:

  1. Thank and link back to the person who nominated you
  2. List the rules and display the award
  3. Include seven facts about yourself
  4. Nominate other bloggers and let them know about the award
  5. Follow the blogger who nominated you (if not already!)

 7 Things About Me

1. I’m extremely impatient. About everything. It’s not a great quality, so I’m usually trying to work on it. Except when I’m running late and someone is driving 20 mph in front of me on a 35mph road.

2. I know all the words to Gin and Juice, Mo Money Mo Problems and the Humpty Dance…and basically every other major hit from the 90’s.

3. I am the oldest of 4 kids, and I am the stereotypical first born, i.e. bossy. But in a “I make shit happen” kind of way.

4. I bite my finger nails. It’s gross, I know. I’ve even quit a few times, but I just can’t seem to make it stick in the long term. It’s too bad, because I really love getting manicures.

5. I love the colors red and pink. But not bubble gum pink; hot pink.

6. I hate the bottom side of a garlic bulb, that part that’s left when all the gloves have been pulled off. It looks like all these little eyeballs and it weirds me out.

7. I love lasagna. Like on a Garfield level. I could live on it. I might even make some tonight now that I’m talking about it.

Blogs You Should Check Out

Hey Lauren Renee

Professor Parenting

Baby Sideburns

People I Want to Punch in the Throat

Wired Momma

Pregnant Chicken

But I Do Have a Law Degree

Thanks to all that have been reading I’m Totally Faking It! Remember to “Like” my Facebook page too!

WTF Wednesday: Pit Bulls

08 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in WTF Wednesday

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

breed hate, breed specific legislation, dog attack, dogs, pit bulls, truth about pit bulls

Today’s WTF Wednesday is about pit bulls and how they are not the devil dogs the media, and uneducated people would like you to believe they are.

A local news story came thru my Facebook news feed today about a small dog that was attacked and killed by pit bulls. My first question is always, what instigated the fight? Was her dog really just sitting on the front porch minding it’s own business and these two dogs come charging at it? Probably not. The story offers no real information, other than the perspective of the woman that lost her dog. Continue reading →

My Son’s Birthday Brings Mixed Emotions

07 Tuesday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in Birth, Me

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

40 weeks, baby factory, birth, birthday, breastfeeding, c-section, care provider, celebrate, cesarean, education, emotions, epidural, happy birthday, hospitals, intervention, knowledge, labor, midwife, natural birth, party, pitocin, pregnancy, sadness, toddler, vaginal

This past weekend my son turned two. We had a nice party in the backyard with family, friends and other little kids running, crawling and jumping around. It’s so much fun to celebrate the day this amazing little person came into our lives and completely changed how we see the world.

In addition to wishing my son “happy birthday” some of my friends also wished me a “happy birthing day”. I of course appreciate the acknowledgement of my role that day, except I wasn’t able to receive the well wishes the way they intended. Instead I can’t help but note to them I didn’t really “birth him”, he was cut out of me.

Continue reading →

3 Things: Before You Have Your First Baby

02 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in Parenting

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

advice, baby, newborn

You’re a few weeks away from your due date and you’ve been making sure you’ve got everything you need. Stroller, crib, car seat, check, check, check. You’ve taken your birth class, your newborn care class and read whatever books suit your (intended) parenting style. In addition to all of that, here are a few pieces of unsolicited advice, because I know you haven’t had any of that for the last 9 months. Continue reading →

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