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Lately there have been a whole bunch of ads from jewelry stores promoting their “chocolate diamonds” and it’s driving me bonkers. We have another name for them in our house, “doo-doo diamonds”.  I’m serious, I do not understand how anyone would want a chocolate diamond.  

Color is one of the very pillars of diamond quality standards. If your diamond is brown, its no good. End of story. Chocolate diamonds are the rejects of the gemstone industry being marketed to people that must have zero standards for their diamonds (don’t I sound so pretentious right now?).

My husband and I came up with a few potential slogans for the doo-doo diamonds that are a bit more realistic than the ones Jared and Kay are throwing at you this holiday season.

“The doo-doo diamond, for someone you doo-doo not like”

“If they don’t do enough to deserve a raise, give a doo-doo diamond for all the hard work they doo not doo”

“When you can’t tell her you don’t love her, show her you don’t with a doo-doo diamond”

“Here is a doo-doo diamond, because I doo not want to doo you anymore”

You get the idea…

My point here is, if your man gives you a doo-doo diamond, doo-doo not wear it. Go find a man that can put a real diamond on your finger (or any other legitimate gem you prefer). Or, you don’t have to break up with him, but you need to inform him he is cheap and/or a sucker and needs to learn some respect for diamonds.

And if you think I’m being too harsh on the chocolate diamond, doo-doo some research and you’ll see that its complete bullshit marketing. And also, go take a look at Tiffany‘s and tell me if they are selling chocolate diamonds (here’s a time saver- they are not).