Monthly Archives: December 2014

WTF Wednesday: 2014 Wrap Up

31 Wednesday Dec 2014

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Since today is the last day in 2014, I thought I’d put together a little collage of some of my favorite pics that I posted to Facebook this year.  The husband and I had a good chunk of the year feeling bogged down by a costly failed real estate transaction, an absurd amount of money owed (and paid now) to the IRS, and of course my non-pregnancy last month.

This collage represents absolutely none of that. We had a great year, and I refuse to hold on to any of that mess. Along with some favorite random moments, below you will see picture of us with friends at weddings, my brothers graduation from medical school, a family vacation in WV, birthday parties for the husband and the toddler, and my visit (and long time dream) to walk the field pre-game at the home of the Buffalo Bills, Ralph Wilson Stadium. Continue reading →

The Conflict, Loving My Body and Wanting to Lose Weight

30 Tuesday Dec 2014

Posted by in Food, Health, Me

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As we approach the New Year everyone is talking resolutions. The one that tops the list for most is to lose weight. I’d love to lose 25lbs (or even 5).  What won’t be new to the year is the inner battle I have with this desire to lose weight and mission to love myself and my body for what it is. But this year, my resolution is to not join Weight Watchers (for the umpteenth time).

I’ve struggled with my weight my entire adolescence and adult life. Just this year I’ve lost and gained the same 10lbs TWICE. Seriously, I lost 10lbs, gained it back, lost it again and gained it back again. I’m right back where I was this time last year, possibly a couple pounds heavier.  I can’t seem to stay committed to the changes it takes to lose weight and maintain it.

I would love to be in a place where I didn’t hate my body… you know, where I can look in the mirror and not cringe at the overfull, yet smushy area that is my stomach. Body acceptance and self love is all the rage. Companies like Dove and Kellog’s Special K are all over telling me that I’m okay just they way I am.

Except I’m not. Being overweight isn’t good for me and I know it…and so do my knees and ankles when I run. The thing is, the only way I know how to start the process of losing weight isn’t by saying “you look great just the way you are”, it’s by saying “you’re fat and gross, stop eating so much”.

To me, loving myself they way I am and losing weight to be healthier are in direct conflict with each other.  I don’t say “no” to french fries because my body is better off without the starch and fried fat. I say “no” because I’m too fat to allow myself to eat them. It’s a punishment, not a job well done. It’s no wonder my weight yo-yo’s. I berate myself into losing weight, only to applaud my efforts with that basket of fries I’ve been denying myself for weeks (or months).

Maybe instead of dropping my money into the pockets of weight loss companies, I’ll spend it on a behavioral nutritionist that will help me work out my food issues. Overall, this new year needs to be about changing my brain instead of changing my body. Finding a way to make healthy food choices because it makes me feel good, instead of withholding junk food as some sort of penance for previous discretions.  I’ll be sure to keep you updated… but don’t worry, I’ll refrain from telling you every item of food I’m eating every day…unless it’s reeeeeaaaally good.

Today is Festivus, This is my Airing of Grievances

23 Tuesday Dec 2014

Posted by in Holidays, Nothing, Seinfeld References

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If you are a fan of Seinfeld, then you know that today, December 23rd is Festivus (um, why does spell check not know that Festivus is a legit word?). Part of the Festivus tradition is the “Airing of Grievances”, so today I will be sharing some of mine.

“I got a lot of problems with you people and now you’re gonna hear about them”

Bagger at the grocery store: stop dropping my fruit like its a bowling ball. Also stop shoving every can, bottle and jug I have into one bag and then setting it on top of the bag full of bread.

Buffalo Bills: stop fucking losing. Just stop it. Make the Goddamn playoffs for once in my adult life.

Tom Brady: I’m tired of you and your work ethic and commitment to success.

IRS: I’ve given you too much money this year. I hate you.

Meat head in the weight room at the gym: take the 50lbs weights off the barbell that you’ve left at the top bar of the squat machine. Do you recognize the irony of your laziness at the gym? I do. AND I want you to wipe that greasy head mark off the bench when you’re done doing bench presses.

Mommies in the mommy group: stop posting articles about pro or anti vaccine shit. This is a place to discuss our kids blow outs, annoying other moms we know and how fat we got from our kids and you’re ruining it with controversial topics.

Nurse weighing me at the doctors office: I have on big boots, a big coat, a sweater, jeans and I really have to pee and you couldn’t take off a pound off my weight? Thanks.

Person about to make a right hand turn onto the street I’m currently driving straight on: please come to a stop before pulling out into the road. If you absolutely must pull into the street at this very moment, please do so with some speed so I don’t ram my car into you.

Ariana Grande: I hate that you’re being shoved down my throat worse than One Direction. You’re creepy looking and that whole being carried like a baby thing is SUPER weird. Go away.

My gallbladder: I’m super pissed you’re not working correctly and now I have to have surgery to get you removed.

Every company that has had a security breech and fucked with my credit cards: I hate having to cut cards and wait for new ones. I like to buy things and you should know this. Stop interrupting my horrible spending habits.

Really, I could go on and on, but I have to go challenge my toddler to “feats of strength”.

Wouldn’t You Tell Someone If You Saw This?

23 Tuesday Dec 2014

Posted by in Me, Nothing

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So correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the socially responsible thing to do when you see someone with a clothing tag on to TELL them? Especially when it is their SIZE sticker?

I saw a client today, and she asked me if I was wearing a new sweater. I was, but I found it to be an odd question considering I don’t see her enough on a regular basis for her to possibly know what’s new vs old in my sweater collection.

Then later at home, as I’m getting changed, I see it. The XL sticker slapped on the left boob of the sweater. I had been going around all day seeing clients, and this person saw the sticker and didn’t say anything. It’s not like we’re strangers, we’ve lunched before. WTF would she not tell me??? I walked around all day letting the world know I had a new sweater (which I got for 50% off thank-you-very-much) and more embarrassingly that I wear an XL (which all of you now know too).

It’s not that that I care THAT much, but its still embarrassing and I’m confused. I really thought that it was woman code to tell someone when they have a tag or sticker on their clothes. I mean, she may have well let me go about my day with kale in between my teeth.

Cycles of a Woman with Weight Issues

20 Saturday Dec 2014

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I wrote the below post one year ago. At the time it was too hard for me to imagine sharing this with the world, but at the time I felt so broken I needed to get it out of my head. Right now, while I don’t have the body I did when I was 23, I do have a better perspective on valuing my body for more than it’s outward appearance. Being 9 weeks postpartum I’m focused on getting through the craziness that are my days, but I can slowly hear the demons coming back. The ones that tell me I shouldn’t have eaten a second helping of dinner, or that my stomach is too flabby and I should be exercising more. I’m sharing this post now in hopes to help quiet those demons a little, and maybe someone else can relate and help squash their demons too.

 

It all begins innocently enough, you have an event to attend and you want a new outfit to wear. You head into your favorite store (for me, its Nordstrom), peruse the racks picking out all these wonderful pieces to try on. You head into the dressing room convinced you will have so many awesome options, you may end up having to make a difficult decision on which to bring home. Then shit gets real.

The dressing room three way mirror. Designed to show you every angle of your fabulous self in the soon-to-be-yours fabulous clothes. Unfortunately you see nothing fabulous. You see your love handles from an all new angle. You see that your ass has about a thousand more dimples in it than the last time you saw it. You realize the seam of your pants has left an imprint in your leg.

Now that your self esteem is shaky, you put on the clothes…or shall I say you attempt to put on the clothes. It seems you have been wearing leggings so frequently you didn’t realize your normal pant size is now not a size that fits over your ass. The cute chunky sweater that you pictured being perfect on, makes you look like you put on Monica’s fat suit (Friends reference). Nothing looks how you thought, you feel fat and unattractive, and you don’t want to try any other stores, you just want to go home.

You are so mad at yourself for letting yourself get fat, yet the first thing you do is go home at eat your feelings.  You think “I’m going to eat this now, and I’m going to start a diet tomorrow”. You think if you can get rid of the junk that made you fat in the first place, you’ll have a clean slate and a clean kitchen to get things started right. Only you can’t stand to see food thrown away, so you eat it. All of it.  The moment it’s gone, and you come up for air, you realize what you’ve done and you berate yourself and lack of self control.

Once you’ve managed to collect yourself and commit to losing weight, you do it. You work really hard to eat less, exercise more. You skip dessert, you pass on pizza, you don’t drink your daily glass of wine after work. You are a woman on a mission and you’re succeeding. 6 weeks in you’ve lost 10lbs. You’re pumped, and even though your goal is to lose 20lbs, you start to get a bit lax on your regimen. You feel like you can still get to your goal, but you’ve missed cheese so much you just need a have a little here and there. Or when you eat out, instead of getting that salad that you are sooooo bored with, you splurge and get a burger. You tell yourself it’s just this time, and next time you’ll go back to the salad.

Slowly every day is not an exception, and the bad eating has come back as the norm. You mentally still ride the high of your earlier success, and to make sure you don’t knock yourself off your pedestal, you don’t step on the scale again. You begin living in denial that your weight is rising. You wear the clothes that feel comfortable, i.e. the leggings and oversized sweaters.

Now, return to the top, and repeat over and over for years. Losing the same 10lbs while gaining 12lbs back every time.

Where does this end? I don’t know. How do some people make a change and make it stick, while some can’t break the cycle? I don’t know that either.  What I do know is that I’m trapped in the cycle and I want out.

3 Things: What I Want From YOU for Christmas

19 Friday Dec 2014

Posted by in 3 Things, Holidays

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Yes, I have a request for my readers for Christmas gifts for moi. It won’t cost you any money, but it will make people happy, I promise.

1. Smile at a stranger. You never know what someone is going through when you pass them on the street/grocery store aisle/ running path. Smile at someone, they may even smile back. If they don’t it’s probably because they are still in a state of shock because no one smiles at each other any more. With one smile you have the potential to change someones mood and how they feel the rest of the day.

Easy, see!

2. Say a prayer or send positive energy to the people that have lost loved ones. This time of year is so hard for those that have lost someone they care about. Take a moment to appreciate the special people in your life, and to wish peace and comfort to those who really need it right now. It is the little things that can be powerful.

Okay, this next one requires action.

3. Share my blog! Please, send the link or share the Facebook page with all of your friends…or at least 1 person you think would enjoy it. This will not only make me extremely happy, but the person that now has this blog in their life will also be happy. Unless of course they hate awesome things, then they may not appreciate my blog.

That’s it! I’m all out of requests for Christmas this year…well, except for Christmas morning mimosas that is.

Tips to Surviving Family Holiday Road Trips

18 Thursday Dec 2014

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It’s the holidays. Your family really wants to see your little ones (and maybe even you).  This means you get to load up the minivan and head out for a few days of family fun aka pretending you like your in-laws.

Let’s put aside the screwed up nap times and sleeping arrangements. Or the fact that instead of listening to your husband snore, now you have to hear your father in-law, and he’s worse.  The first step in this joyous time is getting everyone there, in one piece and hopefully sane.  Here are some completely random tips that will help you make it thru a road trip with your child and/or spouse (because really many of these tips can apply to either).

1. Snacks, snacks and more snacks.  You must come prepared for any demand. Your kitchen is no longer accessible and you have no idea if it’s going to be a teddy graham or Goldfish kind of day. And let’s be real, on a car ride longer than 2 hours, it’s both. Be prepared and bring every snack item your child (spouse) likes.

2. Bring Technology. Sure, you can say screen time is bad for a child’s development. Well so is screaming at them to shut the hell up, so lets pick the one that keeps you looking like the good guy. It can be a dvd player, iPad/tablet or cell phone, just have something that when you’ve reached that do or die point in the trip, you can pull it out and they will shut the hell up, only you didn’t have to say it.

4. Do not put on a radio station that only plays Christmas music. At least one person in the car will think this is a good idea. It is not. The other people do not want to hear 3 different versions of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, mixed in with those random new Christmas songs which all suck. A radio station that has at least some regular, everyday music will help everyone in the car keep from wanting to shove a pencil in the ears. Bonus if you can negotiate complete radio control for the ride.

5. Do not bring up issues that you’ve been meaning to discuss with your spouse. It may seem like the perfect time, you don’t have anything else to do but talk, and now they can’t walk away from you if things get heated. The latter is the very reason you cannot bring up issues on long car trips. You are trapped. Now if you really get into it and someone is going off the deep end, there is no escape. No taking a walk or going to another room to cool off. It’s just two pissed off people sitting in a car for another how many hours. Not to mention if you bring something up too close to your destination, then you have to squash it while you greet family. Save yourself the angst and continue to suppress your underlying issues.

6. Establish who is in charge of the directions. Fights always ensue when one person says “you should take this way” and the other person disagrees. Present your case ahead of time, and this way if you don’t win, and your points on why your way was better, you will be validated and get your way next time. This one is a win the war, not the battle sort of scenario.

7. Wear comfortable clothing. You will be crawling over seats looking for goldfish, juice boxes, the iPad or the toy your child has to have in order to sleep, but keeps throwing on the floor. Hopefully you’ll have time once you arrive at your final destination to get into nicer clothes before being dragged to Christmas Eve mass, where you will continue to search for the Goldfish, juice box and toy.

If you have any additional tips, please share!

This or Next, You Tell Me

17 Wednesday Dec 2014

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I have a question for everyone to help settle a small dispute with someone. If today is Tuesday, and you want to tell someone the event is 3 days later on Friday, do you say “the event is this Friday” or “the event is next Friday”?

I believe that “this” is for the next occurrence of that day and “next” is for the following weeks occurrence of that day. The person I was talking to believes that “next” refers to the next time that day happens.

What say you?

WTF Wednesday: WTF is Happening to Washington Sports Club?

10 Wednesday Dec 2014

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I have been going to gyms since college; I’ve been a member of Buffalo Athletic Club, several Gold’s Gym locations, LA Fitness and currently Washington Sports Club. I switched to WSC almost 5 years ago after about a year with LA Fitness because even though WSC was more money, they offered a better atmosphere.

What makes a good gym atmosphere? People (members and employees), class offerings, equipment quality and availability, and amenities.  I’ve always enjoyed WSC and have gladly paid a monthly fee twice as much as LAF because they were successful in each of those areas.  The people that work there are great. They have lots of free class offerings. It’s not so crowded that you can’t get the cardio machine of your choice. The weight room was always organized. There is a pool and sauna. The locker rooms are clean and never smell. They have a playroom for me to bring the toddler while I workout.

Lately, I’ve noticed things changing. The person in the childcare room is never on time, so my hour of time to workout is cutdown by however late she is getting in. The weight room has been dismantled with equipment laying everywhere and no one is removing their heavy weights from the barbells. Today a cycle instructor didn’t show and no one that worked there had any idea what was going on. Also today I noticed signs for $19.99 a month memberships, and they were handing out the towels from behind the front desk instead of being open to anyone in the locker room area.  I asked around and it seems the club is changing its membership options so there are basic and premium memberships.

After speaking with someone about the membership changes, it is apparent that the WSC and other My Sports Club locations are attempting to get more traffic in their gyms. The issue I have is my premium membership perks aren’t really worth the $40 price difference.  I’ve been told the premium members will receive free towel service, the ability to freeze their membership, free guest pass anytime and the ability to reserve a spot in the group classes. The only real value to me in that list is the class reservation, but as a long time member I am painfully aware that no one is enforcing it and people that register for a class often don’t get in because its full.

I may switch to the $19.99 membership, but I’m still frustrated. I don’t mind paying more to belong to a gym with members that see the value in their monthly payments and treat the facilities and equipment accordingly. I like that when I go in I can always get on an elliptical or have a barbell and bench available to use. In doing a quick search it appears there aren’t a lot of higher quality gym options available in my area. I can do a 20 minute drive and be a member of Lifetime Fitness, which I have heard amazing things about. I just need to be realistic in the difference of a 5 minute drive vs a 20 minute drive and the effect it will have on my attendance.

For now I’ll remain a member and see how this change effects the club. I am already preparing myself for the influx of resolution gym goers that happens every January (who all disappear by the end of the month), so this should be interesting.

Does Everything Happen for a Reason?

09 Tuesday Dec 2014

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Buying a house is a daunting, complicated task. You go in and out of homes checking boxes off the criteria list. Does it have enough bedrooms and bathrooms? Does it have a driveway? What school district is it in? Does it need a new roof? The most important question is do you think this is the place you want to call home?

Earlier this year in January the husband and I set out to find a new home. We want to grow our family, we both work from home and need our own offices, and we wanted to have a cute little neighborhood that had it’s own playground so we no longer had to cross a major six lane road to get to one.  We went in a lot of houses, but none of them could we say we wanted to be our home. Then finally, we got to the house that on paper we really thought was “it”. Normally those houses always end up being disappointing and the photos are better than the real thing. Not this house. This house checked off the most important boxes; bedrooms, bathrooms, a huge yard that backed up to woods. It even offered the bonus “tree house” tree, that the husband was so excited to build someday for our son.

What really solidified this would be the house for us was the moment I had while standing looking out the front door into the small cul de sac neighborhood. I saw only three doors down a small boy standing in the door looking at us, with his dad standing behind him. He looked to be about our sons age and that made me so excited. I pictured the boys outside with a basketball hoop, learning to play basketball together. Our two families sitting out on our lawns drinking some beers, enjoying the kids playing without leaving the vicinity of our home. It was exactly what I was looking for in a new neighborhood.

We were set to close on the house in February, with movers booked and all of our possessions boxed and ready to go. We had my mom flown in so she could watch the toddler while we attempted to work our jobs and move our household.  A very long story short, our mortgage broker and our realtor didn’t do their jobs, and we didn’t ever close on the house. We unpacked everything back into the same house we had mentally checked out of.  We were disappointed and frustrated, but both felt that maybe that wasn’t the house for us and everything happens for a reason.

Yesterday a small jet crashed into that cul de sac. That jet hit that house three doors down, the one with the small boy and his father standing in the door.

When I saw the news story pop up on Facebook, I instantly thought of a good friend who is a pilot that flies in and out of the nearby small plane airport. Any time there is a small plane crash I think of him and want to check and make sure its not.  I clicked the link to the news story and read that the crash happened on the address block of the house we never moved into. I instantly sent the link to the husband and said THANK GOD we didn’t move in.  He came running into my office and said he thought it was “our” house. We hopped on google maps and compared what images we had available to see which house it was. Once we figured out it was not that house, we felt horrible knowing it was the house with that family.

Initial reports claimed there was no one home, but I saw the minivan in the driveway. I prayed no one was home, that they were out anywhere but there. Later in the day I found out the little boy I saw in the door that day was in the house, along with his mother and newborn brother. They did not survive. The dad was at work, and their older daughter was at school.

I’ve spent the last day attempting to wrap my head around this tragic and completely freak accident. What are the odds of a plane crashing into a house? What are the odds that house is located so close where we were supposed to be living? I feel grateful, thankful and lucky that we were not in that position. Then my feelings shift to complete heartache and anguish for this family. What it must have felt like for that father to be at work and how he may have found out. Or that first phone call from a friend or family member checking in. Or how this man has had his family, his home, his life taken from him…and how the hell to hold it together to try and tell his little girl what has happened to her mom and brothers.

Lots of people believe everything happens for a reason, and I always have. While I can see how it is applicable to our situation, I’m having a hard time seeing how that works in regards to this family. Where does some greater good come from this? How could there ever being a reason that God/the universe/fate has brought such tragedy upon this family?

That image of the young boy and his father standing in the door will forever be ingrained in my memory.  It was once for all the memories we wouldn’t have with this family because we lost that house, now replaced with the sadness of knowing that little boy will never play in that cul de sac.

A Go Fund Me page has been started for the family to pay for funeral expenses and anything else they may need. If you can, donate. If you can’t, just say a prayer for this man, his daughter and the friends and family that tragically lost their loved ones yesterday.

http://www.gofundme.com/ig5cc8

Marie Gemmell and her two boys

Marie Gemmell and her two boys