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First off, I feel like a lazy blogger. Last week I only posted once and this week I’m en route to do the same. For motivation I have told myself I can’t eat a second bowl of macaroni and cheese until I’ve written a post. Fat girl logic at its best.

Today I took the toddler to a music class. You know the kind, where a bunch of two year olds don’t follow the instructions of the teacher and instead scream for 45 minutes. Oh wait. That was just my kid.

The class itself was about as ADHD as the two year olds. Song after song of acting and marching, each with a different prop. This is where we lost the toddler right from the get-go. The first song prop he really liked and wasn’t down with giving it up. Meltdown #1.  That meltdown lasted the entire next song.

Then a song with balls! Toddler was in heaven and I got a break from pretending this was this wasn’t normal behavior for him. Of course he had no interest in following the instructions of the song. Instead he spent the song kicking his ball all over the room. Luckily no other little toddlers were taken out with a ball to the face…but we came close.

Drum_TimeWe moved on to being a band, equipped with drums, cymbals and tambourines. You know, the cool kind of band. While we saw some success with the drums, he refused to march. See in the picture? Everyone around him is up and marching. Not this kid.

When it was time to put away the instruments and move onto the next song, toddler completely lost it and never recovered. He was pissed he couldn’t play on the drum any more. We left the room to try and calm down. I offered stickers. I tried to remind him we have drums at home. I offered to let him go home. I got nothing but screaming and crying for the next 4 songs.

Maybe some moms would have left at this point, but not me. I’m no quitter. I felt some sense of defeat if I picked up our things and left. Like the other parents would look at me like I can’t take the heat, or that I’m letting this little person run my life.

I don’t mind that he doesn’t want to do what everyone else is doing. It’s cool with me that he’s independent, and I’m fairly confident he’s picked up my aversion to following orders.  My issue today was the screaming and crying. He loses it and just seems to go to this place where I can’t reach him. He’s always been this way and it’s always been extremely hard for me to know what to do.  I’m sad that he’s sad. I’m frustrated that I can’t seem to help.  And of course being the champion of comparing myself to others, I wonder why in a class of 10 two year olds, why am I the one with the kid that is losing his mind?

Maybe it’s just a phase. But that would mean as of right now his entire life has been a  phase. There are so many times that he is a great little guy and I just adore him. These moments though, where I can’t reach him and therefore can’t help him leave me feeling beaten down and looking for answers.

Lucky for me, next week I’ll be out of town for a business trip so the hubby will be handling music class. While I do love when he gets to experience traumatic moments with the toddler just so we’re in the same beaten down boat, I do actually hope it goes better for him. If not we may not be allowed at music class anymore.

PS. Totally going to get that mac n cheese now.

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