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I'm Totally Faking It

~ Pretending to be a functioning wife, mother, friend and adult.

I'm Totally Faking It

Monthly Archives: March 2015

Writing a Blog About Yourself Is Really Hard When You’re Keeping a Big Secret

30 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in Me, Pregnancy

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

baby, first trimester, gestate, pregnant, secret, sonogram

I started this blog last year not really knowing what I was going to write about. Being that I have plenty of opinions, and lots going on around me, I figured I wouldn’t be too hard up to find something to share with you.

There are times that trying to come up with an idea worthy of sharing gets to me. I wonder to myself “does anyone really give a shit?”, but I write it anyway. Low and behold those posts are the ones that get the most views and most comments (and I love when you comment!).  I guess I’m doing something at least a little right.

Recently it became even harder to come up with things to write about. There has been this one major thing on my mind, but I wasn’t ready to share yet… Continue reading →

WTF Wednesday: Swearing and Screaming Typically Means Something Is Wrong

25 Wednesday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in WTF Wednesday

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

#giveadamnabouteachother, dislocation, gym, help, humanity, kneecap, lunge, strangers, stretching, toddlers

Today is a day I would either like to forget happened, or get a re-do on. Typically, the morning routine includes making breakfast, getting dressed and going to the gym. It also always includes the toddler. Recently, the toddler has found the process of diaper changes and clothing changes completely unacceptable and does everything within his power to keep either from happening.

Most times I’m able to negotiate a trade of some sort; I put on your shirt, you can play with my cell phone. Or, offering up a sticker can work. Today, nothing worked. There were no negotiations, it was only tears- both his and mine. It took me two hours, but eventually I had a fully dressed toddler. At this point I knew better than to attempt to get him into a car seat and go anywhere. I was drained, defeated and completely done.

Now that the entire schedule of my day has been thrown, I did some work and finally headed off to the gym. This was a spectacle. It appears that the crowd at the gym at 2p is quite different than the crowd at 9a. It is my theory the 2pm-ers are dudes (because they were almost all dudes) that work at bars, and they’ve just rolled out of bed and are doing their due diligence to be the best looking bartenders/doormen they can be.

hip-openers2

Deep Lunge Stretch

I did my thing, then went over to the mats to stretch. My hips have been super tight lately so one of my go-to stretches is a deep lunge. As I extended my left leg behind me, my kneecap wasn’t properly aligned and dislocated. Sadly, my kneecap dislocating is something that happens on a regular basis and is extremely painful. Typically it pops right back in, but of course today while I’m on the floor of the gym amongst all these strangers, it did not.

I’m writhing in pain, screaming “fuuuuuck” over and over again. You would think this would be a clear sign that something is wrong and I need help, right? Well I had two people basically 3 feet away from me stop, look at me and contemplate if they had to help me or if they could go back to their workout. One did go back to his workout, the other I had to ask to go get a trainer.  Do I expect too much of people that if someone is laying on the floor clutching their knee for dear life and screaming profanities that they might come ask if they need any help?

While the girl I had given the orders to went off to find a trainer, I managed to collect myself enough to pop my knee back in place. They brought me an ice pack and I sat there for a few minutes fighting the urge to ball my eyes out. Not only was I in an immense amount of pain, but I was so extremely disappointed with the people around me that just looked at me, but never offered to help.

Who are we? Why can’t we stop from what we’re doing for just a few seconds to make sure someone else is okay? Is it the time it may take away from your day if you get roped into a situation? Is it that inconvenient to just ask someone if they need help? Do we really care that little about one another?

Friends Don’t Ask Friends to Help Move

23 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in Me, Nothing, Seinfeld References

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

friends, movers, moving

Remember when you went away to college, and there was a collection of your peers there waiting to help you and your parents move you into the dorms? They all wore matching shirts and were really enthusiastic in helping you schlep all your shit out of a car, into a big grey bin and into your room.

These people do not exist in your adult life. Your adult friends work, have families, and if you’re in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s+, most definitely have some sort of physical ailment. No one is interested in spending a previously free Saturday afternoon hauling your crap in and out of a truck/house.  Continue reading →

3 Things; Instagram, Broad City and Home Birth in Maryland

20 Friday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in 3 Things, Birth, Pregnancy, TV Shows

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Broad City, Chatbooks, CNM, Comedy Central, CPM, HB9/SB105, HBAC, Instagram, Jezebel, maryland, Midwives, smile, The Truth About VBAC: Maryland Families Need Access, VBAC

Today I give you another 3 things I think you should know about!

1. Chatbooks.com  Are you an instragram junkie? Do you have a growing collection of photos you’re not sure how to keep for memory sharing beyond your cell phone? Check out chatbooks.com. 60 of your photos will be printed in a 6×6 book for only $6 (shipping is free). I believe it’s set up so every 60 photos it automatically creates a new book. No muss no fuss! I’m going to give it a whirl, but since I’m a lazy instagramer, it may take me a while to get to 60 pics.

2. Broad City  For someone that claims to not have enough time to watch tv, I seem to watch quite a bit lately. I discovered Broad City after an article on Jezebel mentioned the show. The show offered a great answer to the “friendly” idiots that when walking by you on the street will say “you’re so pretty, you should smile”. I went and watched a few episodes and I love it.

If you find yourself to be more on the conservative side of life, it may not be for you… but then again, this blog most likely wouldn’t be either. So I guess if you’re even reading this it means you will probably find amusement in Broad City (on Comedy Central)

3. HB9/SB105  Recently the group Maryland Families for Safe Birth successfully got the bill HB9/SB105 passed through the HGO committee. This is bringing the state of Maryland one step closer to allow the licensure and legalization of Certified Professional Midwives . This is a great success and very important women and their reproductive rights.

One thing that was forced to be dropped by the committee was the inclusion of VBAC’s (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean).  This is extremely important to me as I someday want to have the opportunity to have a VBAC, preferably at home. The problem is that because CPM’s are not legal in the state of Maryland, the only option is a Certified Nurse Midwife (which there are not many of) or finding a hospital that claims itself to be VBAC supportive.

I ask you, if you live in the state of Maryland, and believe that a woman has the right to give birth how and where she wishes, with a supportive, educated and legal provider, then I ask that you take a moment to read this excerpt from MFSB and write the governors office.  Below that is also a short video about VBAC and the importance of giving women access and opportunity to VBAC.

PLEASE HELP NOW BY TELLING THEM YOU ARE UPSET ABOUT THIS: We need your voices to go straight to the top to pave the way for a win on VBAC. Please write, email, and call the governor’s office saying 1) you are so mad that DHMH kept VBAC out of bill HB9/SB105 2) why you think this is wrong and 3) ASK: “Please review the available data quickly and include VBAC in the scope for midwives as other states do”

Two places to contact:

Governor Larry Hogan
State House, 100 State Circle, Annapolis, MD 21401 – 1925
(410) 974-3901; 1-800-811-8336 (toll free, Maryland)
e-mail: governor
fax: (410) 974-3275; tdd: (410) 333-3098

JOSEPH M. GETTY, Esq., Chief Legislative Officer
Legislative Office
State House, State Circle, Annapolis, MD 21401-1925
(410) 974-3336
e-mail: joseph.getty@maryland.gov

 

WTF Wednesday: How Do You Get Goldfish out of a Nose?

18 Wednesday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in Food, Parenting, WTF Wednesday

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Addiction, Goldfish Crackers, Nose, toddlers

I have a toddler. I have a toddler that likes to eat grapes, goldfish, nuts and pretzels. I have a toddler that also likes to stick his fingers up his nose. Recently, the toddler has decided to join his two favorite activities into one, and is sticking his food up his nose.

The hubby and I have managed to catch him in the process, before anything has gotten good and up there, but it got me wondering what would I do if he got a Goldfish cracker lodged in his nose? Continue reading →

Well, I Caved…

17 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in Health, Me, Shopping

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Amazon, holistic, medicine, Prevacid, shoes, shopping

It was Monday February 23rd that I declared on the inter webs (which you know makes things official) that I had given up shopping to be able to have money to spend on alternative therapies for my health. Well, I caved.  Continue reading →

WTF Wednesday: Everyone is Pissing Me the Fuck Off

11 Wednesday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in Me, WTF Wednesday

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

dumbasses, everyone sucks, pissed off, whatthefuck

What the hell is wrong with people? I am so effing annoyed, I could kick a puppy…but I won’t.

Let’s start with the asshole that hit my husband and smashed up our car, lied to the insurance company that it was a 4-way stop intersection and has such a shitty insurance company that the claims adjuster never called my husband back. After a week he has gotten it taken care of, and hopefully our car will be repaired while we get a rental, but motherfucker that hit my husband, I would bitchslap you if I knew who you were for adding this fucking bullshit to our day. Continue reading →

3 Things: Random Things You Should Know About.

05 Thursday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in 3 Things

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

arm Wrestling, Bitmoji, Dating, emoji, Guide to Childbirth, Ina May Gaskin, Jay Baruchel, Knocked Up, labor, Man Seeking Woman, narcissist, This is the End

On this edition of 3 Things I wanted to share some random recent discoveries of mine. None of them are related, but I like em, so here ya go! Continue reading →

Would You Keep Driving a “Target” Car?

03 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in Travel

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Accident Prone, Bad Drivers, Driving, Subaru Outback, Target

When I was pregnant with the toddler back in 2012 I was still driving a 2005 Saturn Ion. The hubby used his bicycle to go any where he needed, and since he began working from home in 2010, we hadn’t needed a second vehicle. With a little one on the way we knew a more reliable and larger car would be necessary. In came the Subaru Outback now known as Target.

Target, when we bought her in 2012

Target, when we bought her in 2012

Continue reading →

Sometimes I Want to Move to Another Country

03 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in Me, Travel

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ADD, Americans, birth, breastfeeding, common core, Europe, feminism, FMLA, GMO, health, homeschool, maternity, parenting, patenity, pharmacuticals, school, sex, standardized tests, US

During these last few weeks of the winter I start to get antsy. The cold and being indoors too much starts to get to me and I begin to daydream more than normal. And when I say daydream, I mean online shop. As you know I’m on a shopping pause for now, but that doesn’t stop me from online window shopping. To keep myself in check I like to go big; houses, vacations, and cars. Since they would take a big commitment, I know I can’t do much damage to my budget when online browsing for any of these big ticket items.

The latest itch I have is to move abroad, somewhere in Europe. The husband and I have talked about it before, with each conversation filled with wheres and hows. I’m not quite sure how to go about it, or what we’d do for income, or how hard it would be to be so far from family. What propels me to constantly research and think about all those questions are the lifestyle differences between Europe and the US. Continue reading →

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