If you are friends with me on Facebook and you happened to go on this past Sunday, you would have read about my hostage situation with my husband. He was determined to drive from Buffalo to Silver Spring, MD in 6 hours; starting at 9am, he stopped for 1 bathroom break at 11am. I had consumed a large Tim Horton’s coffee along with plenty of water… but Erica, why would you drink so much when your husband was on a mission? WELL, he only tells me this at 1pm when I finally decide to say I needed a bathroom break in the near future, AND.HE.SAID.NO.
I sat in the passenger seat for 2 hours needing to pee. BAD. While I told him what a horrible person he was, I also came up with the idea for this post! Here it is, my list of dumb things men take pride in:
Driving Times/Routes: This is of course first on the list because I just permanently damaged my bladder for my husbands driving bragging rights. Which route to take also makes the list; how many times have you had to listen to “no, no, no, that way will take you forever. You have to take the blah, blah, blah, blah”?
The Number and Type of Tools Owned: Own the basic hammer, drill, screwdriver and saw? Yeah, so does my toddler (in corduroy). If you want to look like a real man in front of your friends and neighbors, you need to be able to offer them that random thing they would normally go rent from Home Depot. It’s all about the drill press, mitre saw and belt sander.
Size of Their TV: It’s like the only respectable way they can say “mine is ____ inches” to each other without compromising their perceived sexuality.
Knowing Sports Stats: They can’t remember to switch the laundry, but they can remember how many wins their football team has in the month of December, on the road, in temperatures less than 30, where the opposing team had a blue jersey.
Poop: Length, diameter, how many times it looped without breaking. Please tell me I am not the only one that’s been subject to this shit (see what I did there? hehe).
While I am still emotionally scarred by the pee holding experience with my husband (and may never take a road trip with him again), I did get some inspiration…and I got to mention poop for the first time on my blog (yes, first time. I have a toddler, there are more poop stories to be told).