Remember when you went away to college, and there was a collection of your peers there waiting to help you and your parents move you into the dorms? They all wore matching shirts and were really enthusiastic in helping you schlep all your shit out of a car, into a big grey bin and into your room.
These people do not exist in your adult life. Your adult friends work, have families, and if you’re in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s+, most definitely have some sort of physical ailment. No one is interested in spending a previously free Saturday afternoon hauling your crap in and out of a truck/house. Continue reading →
If you are a fan of Seinfeld, then you know that today, December 23rd is Festivus (um, why does spell check not know that Festivus is a legit word?). Part of the Festivus tradition is the “Airing of Grievances”, so today I will be sharing some of mine.
“I got a lot of problems with you people and now you’re gonna hear about them”
Bagger at the grocery store: stop dropping my fruit like its a bowling ball. Also stop shoving every can, bottle and jug I have into one bag and then setting it on top of the bag full of bread.
Buffalo Bills: stop fucking losing. Just stop it. Make the Goddamn playoffs for once in my adult life.
Tom Brady: I’m tired of you and your work ethic and commitment to success.
IRS: I’ve given you too much money this year. I hate you.
Meat head in the weight room at the gym: take the 50lbs weights off the barbell that you’ve left at the top bar of the squat machine. Do you recognize the irony of your laziness at the gym? I do. AND I want you to wipe that greasy head mark off the bench when you’re done doing bench presses.
Mommies in the mommy group: stop posting articles about pro or anti vaccine shit. This is a place to discuss our kids blow outs, annoying other moms we know and how fat we got from our kids and you’re ruining it with controversial topics.
Nurse weighing me at the doctors office: I have on big boots, a big coat, a sweater, jeans and I really have to pee and you couldn’t take off a pound off my weight? Thanks.
Person about to make a right hand turn onto the street I’m currently driving straight on: please come to a stop before pulling out into the road. If you absolutely must pull into the street at this very moment, please do so with some speed so I don’t ram my car into you.
Ariana Grande: I hate that you’re being shoved down my throat worse than One Direction. You’re creepy looking and that whole being carried like a baby thing is SUPER weird. Go away.
My gallbladder: I’m super pissed you’re not working correctly and now I have to have surgery to get you removed.
Every company that has had a security breech and fucked with my credit cards: I hate having to cut cards and wait for new ones. I like to buy things and you should know this. Stop interrupting my horrible spending habits.
Really, I could go on and on, but I have to go challenge my toddler to “feats of strength”.
The other night I wrote what I thought may be my very first blog post; until my husband read it. His very gently worded input was pretty much “you told me nothing, what is your blog about?”. And my response was “it’s a blog about nothing, that’s the blog”.
Now, if you don’t watch Seinfeld you probably have no idea why I was so amused with myself. To give you a chance to catch up you can watch the clip below that better explains (but really if you don’t watch Seinfeld, there is a good chance we don’t have a lot in common and you won’t continue reading my blog).
So yes, this is my blog about nothing. Only instead of a friend, neighbor and ex-girlfriend, I have a husband, child and dog. The hubby is my Fred Flinstone, and we have a son that loves nothing more to perform ‘Feats of Strength’ (see: Festivus), so he is our Bam-Bam.
In all reality, this blog will inevitably be about something. I’m extremely opinionated, hate a lot of things/people, and have a tendency to over share. Topics will include, but are not limited to: mommy-ness, pet peeves, and just the random sh!t I do. Welcome!
