Pregnancy Report Card: 20 Weeks


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Here we are, 20 weeks pregnant and at the approximate halfway mark. Soon we’ll be having a sonogram that will tell us if the little dumpling in my belly will be using all of our existing baby clothes or if I will soon have a reason to go buy a pink tutu. 

I thought that I’d be able to remember certain milestones of my first pregnancy that would relieve me from wondering “when will my belly pop?” or “when will I feel kicking?”. It appears I have not. Instead I find myself Google-ing things like “18 weeks and belly isn’t hard” or “does being fat effect feeling baby kicks”. 
In order to keep a slightly better record of this pregnancy I decided to do a pregnancy stats posts. Now rest assure this won’t be a weekly or even bi-weekly update, because well, ain’t no one got time for that. Instead I’ll give you 10 week updates, and being that the toddler was 2 weeks late and brought out without any cooperation, I feel pretty safe that you have two more pregnancy stats posts to look forward to.

Symptoms My nipples are so sore, all.of.the.time. Seriously, I don’t even have a little succubus attached to them yet. What the heck?  

Cravings The first time around I definitely was craving guacamole, I couldn’t get enough of it. This time around I have no major cravings. I’m constantly craving sugar in the form of ice cream or chocolate, but that was an issue before I was pregnant so I can’t really blame H2. 

Aversions No food aversions to speak of, but I am super sensitive to smells. And just to be difficult the smells that are off putting to me change on the daily. One day the smell of gas (like at a gas station) makes me want to vomit, but the following week I’m fine with it. Some perfumes and colognes will have me chugging ginger tea for the next few hours. 

Weight Thankfully I’ve only gained 2lbs so far. Pregnancy number one packed on about 35lbs (10 of those lbs were all baby) and I’m really trying to not have that happen again. Not only for the sake of having a healthy pregnancy, but because the less I put on the less I have to take off after baby is born (and no, breastfeeding is not some wonder weightless plan, at least not for me). 

Exercise I’ve managed to stay motivated in my exercise regime this time around. Last pregnancy I didn’t do much exercise beyond my first trimester. I did yoga once a week, but honestly that did nothing to prepare me for a 49 hour labor. Now, I’m jogging (and interval walking) at least twice a week, strength training , and still doing my weekly spin class. I’m sure this has helped with that 2lbs weight gain.

Belly My belly is still in that awkward “is that a baby or a food baby” phase. I try and dress so it leans more in the clearly pregnant direction, but the awkward phase leaves me too small for my maternity pants and too big for my regular pants. One things is for sure, I no longer worry about sucking in my stomach, and I love that.

Movement Not much to report on movement. There are moments that I think I feel something, but it never lasts.  I don’t think I felt much with the toddler until 22 or 23 weeks, but that still doesn’t stop me from panicking and looking up fetal dopplers on Amazon.

Stop Telling Me 3 Is Worse


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The terrible two’s. Everyone knows this gem of a saying. Your beautiful baby has started to develop an opinion and voices it with flailing limbs and screaming words that may resemble English. Your days become a balance of talking this child off the edge of complete meltdown, and having the foresight to know what they want before they do, so they don’t reach that edge.

Our daily battles include, but are not limited to, the following:
Diaper changes
Getting into the car seat
Getting out of the car seat and attempting to play in the car
Trying to ride the dog
Butter vs peanut butter and how I should know the difference even though he uses the same word for both
Not running into the middle of parking lots
Deciding he is no longer willing to walk in the middle of an intersection with the light about to change

Every day has its challenges, and some days you can accept that this little person is still just developing and unable to understand why you ask of them what you do. Some days you really start to wonder if you’ve done this to yourself. Did you not set enough boundaries? Are you not communicating properly? Are you screwing your child up and they’re going to be a raving lunatic for years to come? These thoughts are the ones that drive you mad… and to subscribe to enough wine of the month clubs to get deliveries once a week.

What really kills me is any time I mention the struggles in front of a parent whose child is older than two, they tell me “three is worse”. It gets WORSE?!? You have got to be kidding me. I’m like George Bailey on the bridge and they’re basically Clarence giving me the push off instead of diving in to save me from myself. How do you go on when its gets WORSE?

Obviously, I don’t have much of a choice. I could hightail it to the Caribbean, or go off the grid and live in the middle of the woods, never having to wrestle a soaking wet toddler out of the bathtub again. But who am I kidding, I would miss my boys like crazy and do nothing but wish they were there with me.

What I can (and will) do, is politely ask all of you lovely people that have done your toddler time, to please shut it. Tell me its wonderful, and 3 year olds are just darling. Tell me how they’re potty trained now and speak with more words than grunts, or that they’re growing size means bigger and stronger hugs. Please stop telling me the tantrums are worse than what I’m going through now, because I may just snap and you don’t want to be on the receiving end of that panic attack. Just ask my husband.

The Man I Wanted to Punch at a Child’s Birthday Party


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Yesterday the family headed over to a dear friend son’s 2nd birthday party.  It was a beautiful day and the yard was set up like a little circus extravaganza. There was popcorn, cotton candy and lots of activities for all the kids to do while they were there.

This party is one of the first parties our toddler has been to, specifically with so many kids. The age ranges were from 1 year old to probably 5 or 6 years old. Typically he’s surrounded by other 2 year old that all have the same behavioral patterns- take toy away, run into each other, have toy taken back, climb something, repeat.

It becomes very clear what a different being a 2 year old is compared to a 1 or 5 year old. 1 year olds don’t really cause a whole lot of trouble; they are just getting the hang of moving on their own, don’t talk very much and therefore are really of minimal impact amongst a group of kids. 5 years olds are the flip side of that; they have gotten the hang of their bodies movements along with a good grasp of language and how to communicate their wishes/needs.

2 Years olds are none of the above. They don’t pay enough attention to others around them, they don’t know how to ask for a turn with a toy, and don’t quite get the idea when someone doesn’t want to play with them (or is too small and can’t play with them). Our toddler tried to wrestle a 1 year old, and thought that the climbing castle was his kingdom to be ruled.

He also thought that pushing an older boy was a fun game, that the older boy did not. I didn’t witness it, but during lunch while I was helping the toddler with his pizza, this little boy came up to me and told me toddler had been pushing him. I apologized for toddler and he went on his way. I heard him not long after that saying “that boy isn’t being very nice”, and I felt sad. I felt sad that my son had hurt this boys feelings, that he’s become “a pusher”, which is heading down the path of being a bully. I tried to talk to the toddler about what the boy said, but the only response I got was “pizza pizza” and “water”. I don’t think I got through.

Probably not even an hour later toddler was starting to get over-tired, which we expected since the party went into nap time, and this kid is a sleeper.  The hubby and I started to pack up to leave and say our goodbyes. Just as we started doing this, the toddler ran over to one of the kiddie games that a couple of adults were playing for their own amusement. It was sort of a corn hole-esque game with bean bags and holes to throw them in. The toddler, loving a good game of corn hole, ran over and tackled the board knocking it to the ground.

Then I heard the statement that I’ve been thinking about over and over again for the last 24 hours. One of the adult “gentlemen” said, right after toddler knocked the board over, “I hate this kid”.  I heard him say it, I stared him straight in the eyes and then he turned his back to me as his brother-in-law giggled. I have been going over in my head for the last 24+ hours all the things I wish I would have said to him. I always go back to the fact that this was a party, there were kids and grandparents there, and I didn’t make a scene and that was for the best.


I know my child isn’t perfect or always well behaved, but he is a sweet little boy and he has a sensitive soul. I imagine that the older boy that he was pushing was probably a rambunctious 2 year old that made bad decisions and hurt other kids feelings. I’m also guessing that this dad wasn’t very involved in trying to work through actions and consequences with someone that has the brain capacity of a neanderthal, because if he were he’d probably remember what a challenging time this is.

Moral of the story; don’t say shit about my kid in front of me, because I’m on a short fuse now. And, try and give parents a break, if we could keep them from messing up, we would.

My Entire House Smelled Like Poop


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Do I know you? A common joke (that only I think is funny) I make to people I haven’t talked to in a while. It’s been well over a week since I last posted, and the main reason for that has been this (see picture); the hubby had some major shoulder surgery.


In general I can get overwhelmed with life. Work, child, school, doctor appointments, housework, bills, meals, and finding time to exercise, can all be a lot to take. Now throw in a husband that is without a functioning arm for the next 5 months and you have the recipe for an emotional breakdown…or 3. No seriously, I have had at least 3 cry-fests since he went under the knife. For the last 10 days we had my mom staying with us to help with the toddler. It definitely helped take some of the stress off of me, but didn’t keep me from still feeling completely worn out (because it’s not like I’m not also growing a human at the moment too).

I started to think to myself about how women that have husbands that refuse to do anything must feel on a regular basis. I’ve always been spoiled with a husband that does more than his fair share of the housework and child care. Luckily, surgery went well and he feels great, and is still trying to do what he can so that not everything is on me. Tonight he even read the bedtime story and tucked him in, hence I am writing this post.

After all the mayhem lately, the universe tried my patience for hopefully the last time for a while. Last night the toddler woke up twice with some major blowout action. Then when I got up in the morning I discovered the hubby was hit with the same bug. I do not exaggerate when I say the entire house smelled like poop. Luckily it was a nice morning and I could open every window in the house and go to town with every Yankee candle I could find.

My sanity has been tested and no one was murdered (not even our shithead neighbor that was blaring the bass in his car for HOURS during nap time, and when we politely asked him to turn down just the bass got all pissy. You can’t even hear the music when the bass is that loud, so what the heck is the point? ). I would say even with the emotional breakdowns, the last 10 days have been a success.

I Let My Two Year Old Use My iPad and I’m Not Sorry


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It’s been a hot topic for years, since the invention of the tv; how much time is too much time in front of a screen? The topic has been amplified now that we have our i-everythings and screen time is available more than from our living rooms.

I totally agree that kids should be spending more time playing and using their imaginations than they do occupied by a device. However, I’m a parent that uses those devices to get through my day.  On an ideal day, the toddler never spends any time in front of the tv or in the iPad and sometimes those days happen.

On most days the hubby and I balance our full time jobs and part time child care. The toddler goes to school a few days a week, but days that he’s home or weeks with no school, like Spring Break this week, we have to do double duty. We usually split the days so we each get at least 8 hours of work time (poor hubby gets the short stick on this as his day usually starts at 4am).

Some days our schedules can demand we work even while we’re on toddler duty. Today, thanks to a last minute appointment hubby needed to attend, my afternoon involved working from home. This means I have to make sure he’s occupied so that I can still get work done. Enter the iPad. ipad-parentingThanks to my lovely device I can stream episode after episode of Curious George. This allows me to make calls and write emails while also making sure the toddler isn’t breaking something, eating something or tormenting the dog. No, it’s not ideal. I would love if we were out at the playground instead, but that’s not conducive to keeping myself employed.

The hubby faces the same issues. There are days that I have a client meeting during “my toddler time” and he has a deadline for his clients. Again, out comes Curious George (or lately, Cars has been a big demand).  This is the compromise we make in order to have the money to pay the bills, and to have a family.

Why am I defending my iPad parenting? Well, I do feel guilty… or maybe just judged. I have friends that don’t use devices to keep their kids occupied. I read the articles that talk about the “damage” done to children that are exposed to too much screen time at too young an age. Like I said above, this isn’t the ideal scenario, but it is our reality.

The hubby and I are actually extremely lucky to have the flexibility to cover each other with the kiddo when work duties call. We are both grateful to see our son more than a couple of hours a day, as we also know parents that can’t say the same. Every parent makes compromises to make life work for their family. This is one of ours, and I’m not sorry.

3 Things: I’d Like to Never Hear in a Song Again


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With so many annoying songs out there, its hard to pinpoint the things that cause me to hate them so much. Here are the 3 things that I hate hearing in songs, and I wish “artists” would stop using.

1. Whistles. There was a Snoop Dogg song on the radio the other day and while I normally like his music, I found myself severely annoyed. I realized it was because there was a whistle going off every few seconds like some sort of quirky beat keeper. I felt like it was the late 90’s and I was in my own personal hell; a rave with trance music and adults sucking on pacifiers.

2. Sirens. Nothing is more unnerving than driving your car and hearing sirens that you can’t find. You go through the panic of “am I being pulled over?” to “am I going to get crushed by a fire engine that comes out of nowhere into this intersection?”.  I don’t think anyone’s music sounds more “hood” just because they have sirens in the background.

3. Ariana Grande. I’m sorry, I just don’t know why this chick is everywhere. Her voice is okay. She looks like a 12 year old dressing up like a hooker for halloween. Do we need to keep trying to make her into a sex symbol? Can’t she just be a Disney star or something?

Writing a Blog About Yourself Is Really Hard When You’re Keeping a Big Secret


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I started this blog last year not really knowing what I was going to write about. Being that I have plenty of opinions, and lots going on around me, I figured I wouldn’t be too hard up to find something to share with you.

There are times that trying to come up with an idea worthy of sharing gets to me. I wonder to myself “does anyone really give a shit?”, but I write it anyway. Low and behold those posts are the ones that get the most views and most comments (and I love when you comment!).  I guess I’m doing something at least a little right.

Recently it became even harder to come up with things to write about. There has been this one major thing on my mind, but I wasn’t ready to share yet… Continue reading

WTF Wednesday: Swearing and Screaming Typically Means Something Is Wrong


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Today is a day I would either like to forget happened, or get a re-do on. Typically, the morning routine includes making breakfast, getting dressed and going to the gym. It also always includes the toddler. Recently, the toddler has found the process of diaper changes and clothing changes completely unacceptable and does everything within his power to keep either from happening.

Most times I’m able to negotiate a trade of some sort; I put on your shirt, you can play with my cell phone. Or, offering up a sticker can work. Today, nothing worked. There were no negotiations, it was only tears- both his and mine. It took me two hours, but eventually I had a fully dressed toddler. At this point I knew better than to attempt to get him into a car seat and go anywhere. I was drained, defeated and completely done.

Now that the entire schedule of my day has been thrown, I did some work and finally headed off to the gym. This was a spectacle. It appears that the crowd at the gym at 2p is quite different than the crowd at 9a. It is my theory the 2pm-ers are dudes (because they were almost all dudes) that work at bars, and they’ve just rolled out of bed and are doing their due diligence to be the best looking bartenders/doormen they can be.


Deep Lunge Stretch

I did my thing, then went over to the mats to stretch. My hips have been super tight lately so one of my go-to stretches is a deep lunge. As I extended my left leg behind me, my kneecap wasn’t properly aligned and dislocated. Sadly, my kneecap dislocating is something that happens on a regular basis and is extremely painful. Typically it pops right back in, but of course today while I’m on the floor of the gym amongst all these strangers, it did not.

I’m writhing in pain, screaming “fuuuuuck” over and over again. You would think this would be a clear sign that something is wrong and I need help, right? Well I had two people basically 3 feet away from me stop, look at me and contemplate if they had to help me or if they could go back to their workout. One did go back to his workout, the other I had to ask to go get a trainer.  Do I expect too much of people that if someone is laying on the floor clutching their knee for dear life and screaming profanities that they might come ask if they need any help?

While the girl I had given the orders to went off to find a trainer, I managed to collect myself enough to pop my knee back in place. They brought me an ice pack and I sat there for a few minutes fighting the urge to ball my eyes out. Not only was I in an immense amount of pain, but I was so extremely disappointed with the people around me that just looked at me, but never offered to help.

Who are we? Why can’t we stop from what we’re doing for just a few seconds to make sure someone else is okay? Is it the time it may take away from your day if you get roped into a situation? Is it that inconvenient to just ask someone if they need help? Do we really care that little about one another?

Friends Don’t Ask Friends to Help Move


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Remember when you went away to college, and there was a collection of your peers there waiting to help you and your parents move you into the dorms? They all wore matching shirts and were really enthusiastic in helping you schlep all your shit out of a car, into a big grey bin and into your room.

These people do not exist in your adult life. Your adult friends work, have families, and if you’re in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s+, most definitely have some sort of physical ailment. No one is interested in spending a previously free Saturday afternoon hauling your crap in and out of a truck/house.  Continue reading

3 Things; Instagram, Broad City and Home Birth in Maryland


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Today I give you another 3 things I think you should know about!

1.  Are you an instragram junkie? Do you have a growing collection of photos you’re not sure how to keep for memory sharing beyond your cell phone? Check out 60 of your photos will be printed in a 6×6 book for only $6 (shipping is free). I believe it’s set up so every 60 photos it automatically creates a new book. No muss no fuss! I’m going to give it a whirl, but since I’m a lazy instagramer, it may take me a while to get to 60 pics.

2. Broad City  For someone that claims to not have enough time to watch tv, I seem to watch quite a bit lately. I discovered Broad City after an article on Jezebel mentioned the show. The show offered a great answer to the “friendly” idiots that when walking by you on the street will say “you’re so pretty, you should smile”. I went and watched a few episodes and I love it.

If you find yourself to be more on the conservative side of life, it may not be for you… but then again, this blog most likely wouldn’t be either. So I guess if you’re even reading this it means you will probably find amusement in Broad City (on Comedy Central)

3. HB9/SB105  Recently the group Maryland Families for Safe Birth successfully got the bill HB9/SB105 passed through the HGO committee. This is bringing the state of Maryland one step closer to allow the licensure and legalization of Certified Professional Midwives . This is a great success and very important women and their reproductive rights.

One thing that was forced to be dropped by the committee was the inclusion of VBAC’s (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean).  This is extremely important to me as I someday want to have the opportunity to have a VBAC, preferably at home. The problem is that because CPM’s are not legal in the state of Maryland, the only option is a Certified Nurse Midwife (which there are not many of) or finding a hospital that claims itself to be VBAC supportive.

I ask you, if you live in the state of Maryland, and believe that a woman has the right to give birth how and where she wishes, with a supportive, educated and legal provider, then I ask that you take a moment to read this excerpt from MFSB and write the governors office.  Below that is also a short video about VBAC and the importance of giving women access and opportunity to VBAC.

PLEASE HELP NOW BY TELLING THEM YOU ARE UPSET ABOUT THIS: We need your voices to go straight to the top to pave the way for a win on VBAC. Please write, email, and call the governor’s office saying 1) you are so mad that DHMH kept VBAC out of bill HB9/SB105 2) why you think this is wrong and 3) ASK: “Please review the available data quickly and include VBAC in the scope for midwives as other states do”

Two places to contact:

Governor Larry Hogan
State House, 100 State Circle, Annapolis, MD 21401 – 1925
(410) 974-3901; 1-800-811-8336 (toll free, Maryland)
e-mail: governor
fax: (410) 974-3275; tdd: (410) 333-3098

JOSEPH M. GETTY, Esq., Chief Legislative Officer
Legislative Office
State House, State Circle, Annapolis, MD 21401-1925
(410) 974-3336