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30 Weeks…and Counting

30 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in Me, Pregnancy

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

30 weeks pregnant, aversions, baby, belly, belly pics, birth, cravings, cute, exercise, Kill Bill, movement, nausea, Ninja, pregnancy, pregnant, sugar, symptoms, The Karate Kid, weight

Why hello there! I hope I still have some readers left considering I’ve been completely MIA for a month or so. I have the best of intentions of writing more, but then life gets in the way… or I’m taking a nap. What can I say? I’m 30 weeks pregnant now AND I FEEL IT.

I’m sure you’ve been anxiously awaiting my pregnancy update since my last one was at the 20 week mark, so here’s what I’ve been feeling!

Symptoms I’m tired, my hips ache, my lower back hurts, my vagina is being punched from the inside and I STILL HAVE NAUSEA. If I eat, it goes away…

Cravings I’m still craving sugar, but in no particular form. Sometimes its popsicles, sometimes its Sundae Cones, sometimes its cake. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I should avoid sugar, but this kiddo wants her sweets.

Aversions No real aversions to speak of. Like I said my nausea comes from being hungry, so once I eat my cake (or drink my protein shake like a good preggo), I usually feel better.

Weight The last time I stepped on a scale I had gained 9 pounds, and that was about a week ago. I do make sure I do it first thing in the morning (and after I’ve pooped, because well, every little bit counts right?).

Exercise I have to say, I’ve been a rockstar this pregnancy compared to last time. I was running up until 25 weeks (now I’m walking 2-3 days a week), I still go to spin class, yoga class and I can still squat my three sets 85lbs, in addition to my other weight lifting activities (I have given doing dead lifts a break till post baby).

Belly My belly is definitely one of a preggo. I’ve actually been called “cute” this pregnancy, which makes my day considering at this point in my previous pregnancy all the comments were about how I looked like I was about to pop or that I must be having twins. I will take cute any fucking day over that shit.

Movement I am growing a ninja. I kid you not, I considered naming her Beatrix after Uma Thurman’s character in Kill Bill. The hubby wants to name her Danielle to be the girl version of Daniel, The Karate Kid. The good part is, her big brother is a brut so she’ll handle life with him just fine.

Belly Pics- Weeks 23, 25, 27 and 29 (23 is on the right, 29 on the left)

Belly Pics- Weeks 23, 25, 27 and 29 (23 is on the right, 29 on the left)

And since I’m pregnant, and soon to be giving birth, pardon me while many of my posts from here on out are about those topics… that is, if I even write any posts. If I don’t, I will be sure to get the baby pics up soon after her birthday!

Pregnancy Report Card: 20 Weeks

20 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by ericakatherine in Me, Pregnancy

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

aversions, belly, cravings, exercise, movement, pregnancy, pregnancy report card, pregnancy statistics, weight

Here we are, 20 weeks pregnant and at the approximate halfway mark. Soon we’ll be having a sonogram that will tell us if the little dumpling in my belly will be using all of our existing baby clothes or if I will soon have a reason to go buy a pink tutu. 

I thought that I’d be able to remember certain milestones of my first pregnancy that would relieve me from wondering “when will my belly pop?” or “when will I feel kicking?”. It appears I have not. Instead I find myself Google-ing things like “18 weeks and belly isn’t hard” or “does being fat effect feeling baby kicks”. 
In order to keep a slightly better record of this pregnancy I decided to do a pregnancy stats posts. Now rest assure this won’t be a weekly or even bi-weekly update, because well, ain’t no one got time for that. Instead I’ll give you 10 week updates, and being that the toddler was 2 weeks late and brought out without any cooperation, I feel pretty safe that you have two more pregnancy stats posts to look forward to.

Symptoms My nipples are so sore, all.of.the.time. Seriously, I don’t even have a little succubus attached to them yet. What the heck?  

Cravings The first time around I definitely was craving guacamole, I couldn’t get enough of it. This time around I have no major cravings. I’m constantly craving sugar in the form of ice cream or chocolate, but that was an issue before I was pregnant so I can’t really blame H2. 

Aversions No food aversions to speak of, but I am super sensitive to smells. And just to be difficult the smells that are off putting to me change on the daily. One day the smell of gas (like at a gas station) makes me want to vomit, but the following week I’m fine with it. Some perfumes and colognes will have me chugging ginger tea for the next few hours. 

Weight Thankfully I’ve only gained 2lbs so far. Pregnancy number one packed on about 35lbs (10 of those lbs were all baby) and I’m really trying to not have that happen again. Not only for the sake of having a healthy pregnancy, but because the less I put on the less I have to take off after baby is born (and no, breastfeeding is not some wonder weightless plan, at least not for me). 

Exercise I’ve managed to stay motivated in my exercise regime this time around. Last pregnancy I didn’t do much exercise beyond my first trimester. I did yoga once a week, but honestly that did nothing to prepare me for a 49 hour labor. Now, I’m jogging (and interval walking) at least twice a week, strength training , and still doing my weekly spin class. I’m sure this has helped with that 2lbs weight gain.

Belly My belly is still in that awkward “is that a baby or a food baby” phase. I try and dress so it leans more in the clearly pregnant direction, but the awkward phase leaves me too small for my maternity pants and too big for my regular pants. One things is for sure, I no longer worry about sucking in my stomach, and I love that.

Movement Not much to report on movement. There are moments that I think I feel something, but it never lasts.  I don’t think I felt much with the toddler until 22 or 23 weeks, but that still doesn’t stop me from panicking and looking up fetal dopplers on Amazon.

Cycles of a Woman with Weight Issues

20 Saturday Dec 2014

Posted by ericakatherine in Health, Me

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

body image, cycles, eating, fat, food, food issues, gaining weight, losing weight, self esteem, struggle, thin, weight, weight loss

I wrote the below post one year ago. At the time it was too hard for me to imagine sharing this with the world, but at the time I felt so broken I needed to get it out of my head. Right now, while I don’t have the body I did when I was 23, I do have a better perspective on valuing my body for more than it’s outward appearance. Being 9 weeks postpartum I’m focused on getting through the craziness that are my days, but I can slowly hear the demons coming back. The ones that tell me I shouldn’t have eaten a second helping of dinner, or that my stomach is too flabby and I should be exercising more. I’m sharing this post now in hopes to help quiet those demons a little, and maybe someone else can relate and help squash their demons too.


 

It all begins innocently enough, you have an event to attend and you want a new outfit to wear. You head into your favorite store (for me, its Nordstrom), peruse the racks picking out all these wonderful pieces to try on. You head into the dressing room convinced you will have so many awesome options, you may end up having to make a difficult decision on which to bring home. Then shit gets real.

The dressing room three way mirror. Designed to show you every angle of your fabulous self in the soon-to-be-yours fabulous clothes. Unfortunately you see nothing fabulous. You see your love handles from an all new angle. You see that your ass has about a thousand more dimples in it than the last time you saw it. You realize the seam of your pants has left an imprint in your leg.

Now that your self esteem is shaky, you put on the clothes…or shall I say you attempt to put on the clothes. It seems you have been wearing leggings so frequently you didn’t realize your normal pant size is now not a size that fits over your ass. The cute chunky sweater that you pictured being perfect on, makes you look like you put on Monica’s fat suit (Friends reference). Nothing looks how you thought, you feel fat and unattractive, and you don’t want to try any other stores, you just want to go home.

You are so mad at yourself for letting yourself get fat, yet the first thing you do is go home at eat your feelings.  You think “I’m going to eat this now, and I’m going to start a diet tomorrow”. You think if you can get rid of the junk that made you fat in the first place, you’ll have a clean slate and a clean kitchen to get things started right. Only you can’t stand to see food thrown away, so you eat it. All of it.  The moment it’s gone, and you come up for air, you realize what you’ve done and you berate yourself and lack of self control.

Once you’ve managed to collect yourself and commit to losing weight, you do it. You work really hard to eat less, exercise more. You skip dessert, you pass on pizza, you don’t drink your daily glass of wine after work. You are a woman on a mission and you’re succeeding. 6 weeks in you’ve lost 10lbs. You’re pumped, and even though your goal is to lose 20lbs, you start to get a bit lax on your regimen. You feel like you can still get to your goal, but you’ve missed cheese so much you just need a have a little here and there. Or when you eat out, instead of getting that salad that you are sooooo bored with, you splurge and get a burger. You tell yourself it’s just this time, and next time you’ll go back to the salad.

Slowly every day is not an exception, and the bad eating has come back as the norm. You mentally still ride the high of your earlier success, and to make sure you don’t knock yourself off your pedestal, you don’t step on the scale again. You begin living in denial that your weight is rising. You wear the clothes that feel comfortable, i.e. the leggings and oversized sweaters.

Now, return to the top, and repeat over and over for years. Losing the same 10lbs while gaining 12lbs back every time.

Where does this end? I don’t know. How do some people make a change and make it stick, while some can’t break the cycle? I don’t know that either.  What I do know is that I’m trapped in the cycle and I want out.

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